August 23, 2019 5868 Views
My accountability team has asked me to come forward and address the recent allegations that were posted to the world on Facebook. This has already been dealt with behind the scenes, but because a former associate addressed the world, I must now go public.
Recently some accusations have been circulated about me and my wife by a former associate. The majority of these accusations are absolutely NOT true, however, there are some that are true, and even some that have partial truths with much exaggeration based on his personal speculation. These faults are many years old, and I would like to briefly address these. I do want to say up front that there has absolutely been NO adultery, there has been no sex outside of our marriage whatsoever.
Over six years ago, some text messages and communications I had with associates and interns that were sexually suggestive were given to friends who confronted me with them. These were degrading, despicable and without question not the kind of behavior that should come from anyone seeking to follow the Lord or serve Him in ministry. I was mostly embarrassed at first, and tried to deny and cover up my sin. The grace of God and unrelenting friends would not let me do this. When I was finally able to lower my defenses and admit my guilt, I was as deeply appalled by what I had done. I admitted then that these degrading communications were not just jokes or brief lapses of poor judgement—These were things that were still in me, and if any of those who had received those communications had responded to them positively, I could have entered into deeper sin. By the grace of God, I was spared from falling into more serious sins, but the communications themselves were bad enough. I was broken by the fact that these communications were defiling to the children of God I was called to serve. The fact that others had been defiled was even more heart-wrenching than the fact that they had defiled me.
The Restoration I’ve been Walking Through
When this was brought to light, I went through a period when I laid aside ministry to repent and receive the restoration I needed to get free from these strongholds of darkness in my life. For over six years now, I have continued in counseling. During this long season, I have continued to pursue heart in deep true repentance I know I must have to be free and to walk in the holiness and purity that the Lord is calling me to. My staff and I have also worked to bring more holiness into our dealings with each other, keeping each other accountable to eliminate all foolish practices and border-line behavior. Though I think I have made a great deal of progress, I am still battling to be totally free yet of all of the darkness that gripped me during my lifestyle before coming to Christ. I am still being delivered, transformed, and gaining wisdom about the safeguards I need in my life.
Just as Paul struggled repeatedly with his own sinful nature despite His calling from the Lord, I am sorry that I cannot report to you that I am still struggling and warring for increasing freedom from these issues in my life. I meditate often on Paul’s words: “Take heed when you think you stand lest you fall.” (1 Corinthians 10:12) I am a weak sinner that He has given grace to, and I know that it is more than a cliche that I only stand by the grace of God. Like Paul, I cry out for deeper cleansing, healing and deliverance (see what Paul cried out in Romans 7:15-25). One of the biggest gifts of grace that I have been given is my wife, who has stood strong and true, even when subjected to such terrible and false accusations about her that have been so devastating to our family.
Overcoming Slander and Seeking God’s Will for the Future
I know that all who have stood by us through so much are gifts of God’s grace to us, and I want to thank you for it. I also can understand why many would give up on me through my up and down journey. However, I do not intend to give up, but pray to one day be an example of the grace and mercy of God to redeem and fully restore. Like the high priest in Zechariah 3, I know that I am merely “a burning stick snatched from the fire” and that satan has been fiercely accusing me, not only by reminding the Body about past failings, but also by creating entirely new accusations that have no basis in fact. However, I also believe in the many words God has declared over my life and that He still has an important role for me in the coming harvest, a role that the enemy is currently trying to destroy. I would appreciate any prayer for me and my family to that end.
“But if we walk in the light as He is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus Christ His Son cleanses us from all sin.”—1 John 1:7
I don’t claim to have done anything perfectly, but it is my resolve to “walk in the full light” in every area of my life, and so do not want to hide or cover up anything I have actually done in the past, or may have done if I had the opportunity. I am also very sorry for being an embarrassment to my family, friends and supporters, but most of all to the Lord. Just as we are told in Proverbs 24:16, “A righteous man may fall seven times and rise again,” I have resolved to get back up by repenting of my sins and failures, learning all that I can from my failures, but pursuing the higher calling of God on my life, a call to bring in the harvest, heal the sick, restore the broken, and live a life of real and deep holiness.
As I said above, many of the accusations in the recent letter of indictment against me are either wild exaggerations or completely false. All of those made against my wife are false. All of these accusations about being `investigated now by pastors and leaders,’ and a report will be coming from them about this. I expect to be exonerated of many of the accusations, but I know that to be free and stay free, I must admit and continue to be transparent about both what I am guilty of, what I am definitely not guilty of, and even what I was tempted to do but never acted upon.
Thanks for all who have been so patient not to give up on me, and it is my sincere desire to one day be an example of the grace, dignity and purity that the cross of Jesus has made possible. The scriptures declare that God chooses the “weak” and “foolish” ones to declare the gospel and do the work of the kingdom. I covet your prayers and need your support because, despite this area of weakness and foolishness in my life, I know that God has called me to help advance His kingdom in this next move of God, here in America and around the world. Please pray that God’s will be done and that His kingdom would advance in this next season in and through my life.