There he is. My sweet boy. Eating his final meal before he becomes a college graduate tomorrow morning. # Proud father # My first born son is officially a graduating man! #
Family photo of the whole gang here at the restaurant. Taken by our lovely waitress, Sheila. Notice my boy sitting at the head of the table as we honor his achievements! I do not know the guy to my left. (Ha ha. Just kidding, @ Uncle Frank. I love you!) # So proud!
O.K., O.K. LAST one. Here’s me dropping my incredible son off at his dorm room after dinner and giving him a pep talk about how he needs to find a job and his own apartment by Wednesday. Tonight, he goes to sleep a boy. Tomorrow, he will arise a man with a diploma! # Move out by Wednesday # MOBW
Here is an image of money I downloaded from Askjeeves.com because this college cost a LOT OF MONEY! # Expensive [photo credit: @ jeeves]
Beautiful sunset, facing west campus. Looks like cotton candy bubblegum soup! # Nice sunset # Zero filters on this badboy
Photo of my youngest daughter, Rachel [@ rachelmydaughter], who tells me hashtags # only work when you don’t put spaces between the words? Well, tell me this, smart aleck: How are my twelve followers supposed to understand the phrase when the words are all smooshed together? Also, she complains I upload too many “basic” sunset photos and don’t get enough likes. After all I’ve done for her. Least she could do is like my photos. Kids! Unbelievable. Must be the puberty. # Happy to be seeing my # Son again soon
Peeping through the dorm window. It’s kind of dark now, so I can’t really tell if it’s the right room. Is that my son? I want to make sure he’s having fun on his last night of college. Also, I need to tell him we’re converting his bedroom into a capoeira studio/weight room/guest bedroom. Decided he needs to be out by Tuesday. How do you zoom? # Help # Move out by Tuesday # MOBT # Because renovation starts Wednesday # BRSW
Photo of George, the lovely concierge at the inn near campus. Great guy. He hated that I took this picture. That’s why his hand is covering his face and he is yelling. Four stars! # It’s George
Can’t sleep. Here is a # Good selfie of me outside the inn wearing pajamas. So excited to watch my eldest son throw his scholar’s cap into the air tomorrow morning. Do those caps have a name? They should be called scholar’s caps, or learning chapeaus (that is French for learning hats) # I know un petit peu de French
Whoops. Here is a screenshot of a text I just got from my daughter Rachel. She is angry because apparently [@ rachelmydaughter] is not her account name and belongs to someone else who isn’t my daughter. My daughter is [@ trapqu33n_22].
Last one, I promise. Forgive me for being the proudest father in the world. This is another photo of George, the lovely concierge, printing me a new room key. I forgot mine upstairs! Thank God for George. My wife is going to kill me for sneaking out. I love my son.
Photo of our dog, Jimmy. Miss him! It’s not really him but a photo I downloaded from Askjeeves.com of German shepherds. That’s Jimmy’s breed. How do I download the photos Peter took of Jimmy from my e-mail? # Help
Double whoops. Here’s another text my daughter sent just now asking me to not tag her in photos. How do I untag? # My daughter is angry! # Excited to see my son
Good morning! Family photo of the gang in the rental car (everybody besides eldest son). We are arriving early to get good seats. # Good seats
Here’s the graduation stage. We are front row!!! But my phone battery is about to die. Need to go find a place to juice up this phone. Forgot to juice up last night. Need to capture all angles of my son ascending that stage, shaking hands with the president, grabbing his diploma, and then flipping his tassel from left to right. Or is it right to left???
Finally reunited with my Instagram! My family deactivated the account after I missed my son’s graduation trying to charge my phone. Anyway, here’s our new capoeira studio/weight room/guest bedroom that used to be my son’s room! He is unemployed and living in our basement. # Hire him.
Source: The New Yorker
Photo credit: Joy105.com Files/H. Armstrong Roberts / Getty