Contrary to what may seem, summer is not always the best time for love. Research conducted by professor Julie Brines and doctoral candidate Brian Serafini from the University of Washington has revealed how divorce rates appear to follow spike shortly after the summer holidays. They have found a list of several explanations for it. More time spent together during the holidays is the most shocking and relevant one.
Love is an ever-evolving and never-static gift. It grows, or it diminishes. Unless this concept is very clear, it can become quite common that during the rush and the busyness of the year, couples start living a life of separate accomplishment of tasks (work, social life, professional dreams, etc.). This sometimes leaves very little space for communication and time to grow together. And when some free time is finally achieved, it sometimes comes with the realization that what was envisioned as a shared project is not such, anymore.
The answer to this common affection from the fast-going world is to practically prioritize love every single day. But if the year has been complicated and the summer holidays are just about to start, there is a way to reverse the effects of statistics and give us a second powerful chance. The way is easy. It only requires two people willing and a couple of tricks to put back hearts on the fast-beating track.
1. Start redating
All human beings evolve. It is part of our nature. This means that people are in constant change. Whenever our exposure or level of intimacy and togetherness towards someone decrease, our knowledge, and understanding of this person also diminish. The person we decided to share life with is no exception. Unfortunately, it can be quite common to confuse sharing life with sharing the same roof.
This is why redating can be a great restarting point. It does not require more than bringing back the hope and excitement of the first nice dinner where the main objective was to discuss for hours about our favorite music, book, or dish.
2. Practice a common hobby or activity daily
Personal time allows us to maintain our individual identities and provides with the opportunities to do things that we like. However, the quality and the time spent together is even more important for a healthy and strong relationship. Partners who do things together become more closely connected and enjoy more each other’s company. Shared experiences provide couples with enjoyable things in common. And common things bring people together.
3. Wake up and go to bed at the same time
Big losses sometimes go through small actions. According to research, 75% of couples go to bed at different times about four nights a week. In this sense, and according to a seminal study, published in the Journal of Marital and Family therapy in 1991, mismatched couples reported experiencing “less time spent together in serious conversation and less time spent in shared activities.”
The physical, psychological, and affective benefits of going to bed and waking up together are thou, countless. Physical closeness stimulates the hormone oxytocin, which reduces stress and promotes bonding. Pillow talks allow the fulfillment of the 3 essential C’s of love- connection, clarity, and communication within the relationship.
4. Read & comment on the same book
There is no need to go for high-quality literature if both people are not great readers. Reading and commenting on a book together is just an excellent excuse to create space for all those conversations that regularly do not find the time to exist.
5. Make together your list of dreams for the academic year to come
A successful relationship does not require a fusion of personalities, likes, and dislikes. In mature and healthy relationships, partners keep their own individuality intact, because is precisely their uniqueness what complements and make the other person better and stronger. But it does clearly requires a common project. A common dream. A common idea of what the couple is going to do and achieve together over a lifetime. When there is no shared project, there is a high risk to end up living separate lives and pursuing different dreams that in many cases, even turn to be incompatible with the other’s goals.
Yearly planning goals together is a crucial requirement for marriage success. It is not about giving up on our dreams because we have other commitments or responsibilities. It is about making the other person excited and committed with our own noble ambitions and dreams, so they become shared and fully supported. Compromise and balance are a crucial element of this process. And the motto should be clear-“Whatever does not bring us closer, it put us apart.”
6. Create action plans for all those things that are not going well
As far as there is a will, there is always a way to fix what it does not work. But coming back to the right track requires clear, common and direct action. Holiday time can be the perfect moment to calmy bring to the table and discuss those things that are not making us happy, and we can start doing better.
7. Think of a daily detail that will make the other person feel spoilt and loved
A hug through the back while the dishes are being done. A meant “Thank you,” or a meant “I love you.” A cup of coffee brought to bed in the morning. Small things are the only way to prove a big love. Great actions are just sporadically. They enrich but do not sustain a relationship. Tiny details of love and care are the simplest and most powerful milestones towards a happy life together. Anf they do not cost extra money or extra-time or extra-thoughts.
8. Change roles
Changing roles in the implementation of daily tasks is the best and funniest way to reflect on the value and contribution of each other within the relationship. While during the year there is sometimes no time for such games, holidays represent a perfect moment for it. It is complicated to appreciate all those things whose efforts are unknown to us. They can be often taken for granted. But when roles are changed, the experience of the other endeavors can be very revealing helping to better acknowledge them and expanding our feelings of gratitude.
9. Check your wedding & honeymoon pics together
Coming back regularly to the moment of commitment for a lifetime of happiness together is always a rewarding idea. It brings couples together, and it can easily give an extra push of positive emotions when needed the most.
10. Make an effort to look great
The same energy that was invested in those first dates to look incredible. The same care on the choice of clothing, perfume, and hairstyle. The same effort on gym hours to marc pecs and look fit. Not just to increase our levels of self-esteem and self-confidence. But to show the other person that he/she is absolutely still worth-conquering.
11. Holding hands
Holding hands decreases the level of a stress hormone called cortisol, becoming a great stress reliever. Besides relieving stress, holding hands lowers blood pressure, which is one of the major contributors to heart disease. It relieves pain. It helps to fight fear and provides a sense of security. But above all, it boosts love and bonding by releasing the hormone oxytocin, which is known as the “cuddle or love hormone.”And it makes human beings feel “like being home.” Worthy of trying out more often.
Photo Credit: Christian Marriage HQ